Why haters matter

 
 

I am dedicating this article to my friend Chris Winiarski who showed me the right way. Thank you Chris.

 

 

It's good to start from defining who the hater is. 

Hater is someone who enjoys hurting other people usually using internet. This is someone who writes or speaks something what doesn't have any value and the only purpose of doing it is to make you feel bad. Haters enjoy hurting you and feel satisfaction when they break you. Does it sound like a psychopath? Yes, it does. I won't say that each internet hater is a psycho, but from the psychological point of view they represent many traits as real psychos. 

Sounds creepy. I know. So why have I named this article "Why haters matter"? To understand that I need to start with telling you my short story to give you whole picture. 

 

You suck

Do you know how many times I heard it in my life? Too many. When people tell you over and over that you suck and ask you what is the purpose of doing what you do, you start thinking that maybe you actually suck. And you let it go, you stop doing what you love doing, because some psychos told you that you mean nothing. That's my story. I'm really happy that I've survived this.

I know there are so many kids who are very vulnerable and they can't handle this. You can say that it is only insignificant bullshit telling by some moron. I am telling you, that this is serious. Those kids hide from the world, stop doing what they love, become introverts, start being afraid of new challenges and people and when they grow up they can't handle life and build normal families. In worst scenarios they make suicides.

Do you think that I am overreacting? Trust me, I'd like to, but it's not my imagination. It's something confirmed by psychological scientists and stats. Haters use internet violence and they are not different than guys who are alcoholic and terrorise their families. 

 

Building mental shield

I mentioned that it is something what happened to me. Here is how it happened.

I started my photography journey and I wanted to show my photos to the world. So I was uploading my pictures on few facebook groups. Even if I currently know that those photos weren't perfect I would never expect that kind of reactions. People started laughing and writing horrible things under my pictures. Things which haven't had any value or constructive critique. I heard that "I would vomit if I received that kind of picture", "You will never be a photographer", "Wrong address buddy. The trash is somewhere else", "I bet that only your mother tells you that your pictures are good. But If I were your mother I would show merce and tell you to stop doing it as you sucks", "You showed us again that you mean nothing, now you can go. Bye, bye". 

You know, I've studied psychology to i.a. handle that kind of situations in my life. Firstly I thought that everything is under my control and I won't be bothering as I am better than that.

Suddenly something broke and I thought "enough". I stopped uploading pictures and even photographing. I was devastated and really depressed. 

I told to my friend Chris what happened and how I felt. I was so lucky that he was there, because he made me aware that it doesn't matter, that the most important is my passion and community who believes in me and that there are tone of people who will fall in love with my work. And I've believed him. After a half year later he's passed away. Even he was suffering for 2 years in the last stage of cancer, he was able to stand up, kick my ass and motivate me to keep going. And I was complaining that some morons told me that I suck? Shit. 

After his death I've sworn to myself that I won't stop. I am not doing it for him. I am doing it for myself. He's just showed me the right way. I want the same for you.  

 

Don't let psychos to run your life

There are many ways to deal with psychos. But before you start dealing with them you need to build your shield. Do you know why haters hate? Because they have really low self-esteem and this is the way to raise their ego, the psycho's way. Normal people would do something valuable to feel better, e.g. learn something new. 

The worst thing about psychos is that you cannot run from them. I don't want you to hide from the world only because you are afraid what other people think. Don't hide. Don't run. There are always people who won't like what you do. 

The best thing about psychos is that you don't have to run from them. You can even be nice and kind for them. Before I go to the final point "Why haters matter" I will repeat this one more time:

Don't hide from the world. Don't bother what other people think. As long as you are kind, you don't hurt anyone, you do what you love and you share your passion with others, everything is perfect.

If you stop showing the world who you are because of your fear what other people think you will lose one of the most important opportunity in your life:

Finding people who love what you love or the way you are.

I mentioned before, that there are tone of people who would love to meet you. This is truth. Don't stop what you're doing, don't hide and don't stop being yourself and they will find you! No matter if you are a photographer and use social medias to show your work or you are a singer and you start your journey on a stage.

 

Why haters matter

Here we are. The final destination. After what I've just written you might be thinking that I'm crazy to tell you now that psychos matter. 

There are few factors which make me think that haters matter.

If someone starts hating you, you can do 3 things:

1. Block this person. Erase the comment.

2. Ignore him or her and don't bother at all.

3. You can show kindness and intelligence.

 

Haters matter, because they teach you how to deal with psychos and poison. The more haters you meet the stronger you become. Your mental shield becomes stronger and stronger and it will be really hard to break and stop you.

Haters matter, because you can show the world who you really are. When someone starts offending you just reply in an intelligent and KIND manner. Don't try to be sarcastic. When you show kindness, but real kindness to haters you show them mercy. They are just people. Maybe they just had a bad day. Maybe not, maybe they are real psychos. But maybe, just maybe by showing them kindness they will understand that they did wrong and they will become your new buddies.

By showing pure kindness to haters, inteligent people will see that you are ok and you have a high self-esteem, because you are not afraid of haters and you show them mercy. 

Haters matter, because they generate your business. How? It doesn't matter if they comment on Facebook, Youtube or Instagram. By commenting your post they generate engagement under your photo making it more visible. The more haters the more people will see your work.

 

I think being a hater is a serious problem and I really want you to know that you are special. Don't let anyone to make you think that you are worthless.

We won't cure the world from psychos, but we can start from ourselves. Before you write or say something think twice. If there isn't any value in your comment and if there is only something rude or not nice, just don't do it. The more kind we are for others the more happier we are. It's truth.

 

Love,

Michal